By the Sword of Duquesne

Let be forever known that on the 20th of March in the year 2012, the noble Minutemen of the Valley of the Pioneers, from the whimsical land of Amherst, vanquished a horde of Dragons, and claimed its rightful place among the Council of the Up-and-Coming in the Enchanted Garden of Madison Square.

Now, lest you think this was an easy road, sit and let me recall the tale. The Minutemen’s quest had thus far taken them through the vast, barren wastelands of Mississippi and New Jersey. As they arrived at the Cave of Daskalakis, they were tired, but remained steadfast and determined. Road-weary, the Minutemen had nonetheless acquired followers along the way, growing louder and more numerous as they trekked ever-closer to their goal.

And oh, their fearless leader Derek Kellogg, also known as Derek the Hairgelled, and Kellogg the Improving, had a quest of his own to take care of on the way to the Enchanted Garden. You see, the king of these dragons, Flint the Bruiser, was Derek the Hairgelled’s old friend and mentor, who had taken Derek under his wing when they were both young and under the wing of Emperor Calipari. (Look, I don’t care if that part makes sense or not, or whether Bruiser’s a man or a dragon in this case. Don’t make me start throwing midichlorians into this.) Now, old mentor Bruiser stood in the way of sure semi-glory for Derek. Both leaders knew the other’s strengths and weaknesses. It would be a true battle of wits.

The Minutemen entered the cave with their supporters, facing extreme heat, a sea of yellow, and, umm, a giant inflatable dragon. They struggled early in their fight, as the dragons were far more formidable than the mere canines and Jack Sparrow impersonators they had faced thus far in their travails. But out of the Minutemen stepped leaders. Chaz the Unbreakable. Terrell the Much-Improved. Javorn the Unheralded. Even Freddie the Firehaired contributed his  underrated defensive prowess. And just as their ancestors before them, led by legendary Travis the Turncoat against the giant Orange Men (or at least legend has it), the Minutemen stemmed the tide. (It helped that Frantz the Choker missed numerous chances to land the striking blow.)

And so it was that Bruiser the Flint and the Dragons of the land of Drexel were slain in that Cave of Daskalakis. The Minutemen and their supporters rejoiced, and much mead was consumed in the celebratory din. (I mean, a shitload of mead, you guys.)

There is work to be done when the Minutemen arrive at the Mystical Garden. But whether it’s a pack of wolves or, err, a forest of trees that the Minutemen will face when they arrive, we know one thing is true about these noble warriors:

Nothing is over until they decide it is.

Now then. Tuesday is just seven turns away? I wait six turns.

- Max

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