Hey everybody! It’s Matt with a bi-yearly article about UMass sports, reporting live from a Spanish household in Springfield!
Well, I might as well start this off by commenting on the improbable 3-2 victory over the number one Boston University Terriers IN BOSTON! Wut? Really UMass, really, your first road win is going to come in February and ITS GOING TO BE AGAINST THE NUMBER ONE TEAM IN THE NATION! Lol, you guys crack me up. But seriously folks, I’m still not 100% back on the UMass hockey train, but I will say this: The playoffs are starting to become intriguing again. With the glorious flagship wallowing in the twilight of the Toot Cahoon era, and UMass-LOL with an improbable breakout season, the idea of a UMass showdown in the Hockey East playoffs is in play. And while that is in no way an easy matchup, let alone a favorable one, its a sweet tossup from the perpetual 2-7 matchup at BC where we lose (seemingly) EVERY FUCKING YEAR.
I still have minimal faith in this team, having paid attention to the lows of the season in addition to the highs, something I suggest FTT commenters do (sample post: This team beat BC WHY WOULD THEY NOT BEAT LOWELL????). However, there is a chance, albeit slim, that having gotten over the hump of the first road win, an anecdote unable to ignore, its possible this team will start playing with more confidence on the road. There is absolutely no reason why this team should be dropping games to Northeastern and Vermont at ANY venue, yet this team was 0-2-1 against the cellar dwellers in Hockey east this year. Yet, with a road win behind them (and sadly, not longer from the 6-0 Fight Mass Vermont exodus last January) I hold out hope that UMass can be the gritty team they are in the Bill at Orono and the University of Sears. Unlikely, yes, but at this point can you really be certain with this team?

Ignoring very recent acts of glory, lets not forget the crushing mediocrity that UMass hockey fan experienced in the recent past. In an era of UMass athletics where there are so many high profile steps forward for high visibility sports, our beloved UMass Hockey program seems to be at a plateau. The apex of the Cahoon era came over half a decade ago, and the program has stayed consistently below average ever since. As other sports start showing potential (Basketball) or have new, exciting faces (Fooooootbaaaaaaaaallllllllll!) Hockey sits and waits for Toot to move on before its safe to be excited again.
Lets make something perfectly clear, I have a massive amount of respect for Toot. He took a program that had no identity or culture and built it to the point where the fan base earnestly feels they can make the jump to home ice contention. Toot has graduated players, limited distractions and built a fan base that did not exist before his tenure. However, the last few years has proven that UMass hockey is stuck in neutral, and frankly, there is a definable ceiling to what Toot can do. Toot is not on the level of Parker or York, and doesn’t have the youthful vision of a Dennehy or Tabbed. Toot is an old school coach who is what he is, and he is never going to be the next step that the fans of this program crave. So, like Penn State before all the kid sex, fan wait impatiently for the figurehead to step down before fresh blood comes in and reinvigorates the fan base (Yes, UMass, I said FRESH blood so no Blaise plz).
So yeah, I fully expect this team to make the playoffs barely, then get swept and I expect the same thing next year if Toot decides to ride out his contract, which according to Triangle seems to be the most likely outcome. So, in an era of great excitement for athletics at UMass, the hockey fan has years of the same outcome they have come to know and loathe. Ug.

Meanwhile, in exciting things, The UMass basketball team is also playing tonight. As a blog, we have been extremely cynical about the baskettaball team. Walsh was out at the start of the DK era, Max has been supportive yet skeptical and I nearly resigned from the blog and ruined my friendship with Max over smart ass tweets during a game the UMassHoops.com lost their shit over (please cue the Bob Dylan eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh). But this year has been transcendent for a kinda-sorta-fan like myself. This team is legit, and likable at the same time. Gone are the lifeless, lazy one man teams we have witnessed for the last few years. This team fucking MOVES. Plus, they hustle like a team that wants to win. Not only is it about running and creating fast breaks, but its the little things like diving for loose balls. This year the team does it, while I never saw it in years past. Its hard to point out a single reason for this. Yes, Chaz has been transcendent in his role as Point Guard/Scorer/Heart-and-soul/Good guy tweeter, but its not solely Chaz. It seems that the step away from a SG/SF dominated team to an interchangeable run and gun team has been the biggest change in culture. Yes, mistakes are made, but no longer is there a sense of laziness or an unlikeable player. I LOVE EVERY PLAYER ON THIS TEAM. I love this team, I do. And this is coming from someone who’s first major taste of the new look team in person was the train wreck at URI. Still love them, still love the effort. The entire culture of my UMass fandom has changed. Where I would previously be obsessing over hockey dates and giving slight glances towards the basketball schedule, I now find myself dreading Hockey games for their seemingly inevitable disappointment and feeling strong optimism towards the Basketball team. Yes, they may not be good enough to make the tournament, but at the very least I feel like theres a chance they will win any night, and at the very least they will play hard, fast and entertaining. The team that took a shit on the Mullins court against Dayton last year no longer exists, and damn, it feels good man.

Oh, and Football is going to be amazing. Molnar is the fucking boss. What a charismatic , likable dude. Now THATS something to riot over.

(But seriously folks, don’t riot and make us all look bad you fucking waste of space I hope you and your zoomass culture is systematically destroyed and your highschool quarterback mentality of cool is exposed for the immature garbage that it is. I hope you and your barstool culture is no longer viewed as ok in the lager culture and you become the social pariahs that you deserve to be you fucking scum.)

Here’s to hoping for positive peaceful gatherings for a successful Saturday,

-Matt

I almost forgot an important note: Hey kids, it’s time to break out the “High on Crack Street” chant for this weekend’s Lowell series. Here, go educate yourselves if you don’t get it. Dumb kids.

–

And now, contributor Jarod Hendrickson compares the teams of Hockey East to alcoholic beverages, because it’d be unconstitutional for me to hog all the tenuous metaphors for myself. By the way, now that Derek is basically a figurehead and Matt’s job has absorbed all of his free time, I’m more than happy to accept other contributions…if you wanna write something, message me or our page on Facebook and let me know.

-Max

Contributor’s Corner: The alcoholic’s guide to Hockey East

by Jarod Hendrickson

As students return to campus and mini fridges are being plugged back in, let’s put on
our fun hats and break down what each Hockey East school would look like if they
were a beer. [Editor's note: The captions are courtesy of yours truly. -Max]

Boston University

Sam Adams. Classy, full bodied, and a staple of Boston. A rich history and a national recognition. Not as arrogant as other beers, and is something you respect, even if it isn’t your pint of beer. [And probably the only one I'd admit to drinking on this list. -Max]

don't be silly, BU kids only drink the finest champagne out of escargo-rimmed crystal glasses

Merrimack

Four Loko. What exactly is it? I mean it will get the job done but something just isn’t right, just like Merrimack itself. They’ve only been around since 1947, and the campus
resembles a strip mall. Basically non existent it’s entire history, Merrimack has burst
onto the college hockey scene in recent years, but like Four Loko, all good things will
come to an end. Their “arena”, and we’ll use that term loosely, is a dump, if it were
an animal it would have been shot a long time ago. Overall Merrimack just a fad, and
people will look back thinking, “why did we even bother?”

this guy certainly went to Merrimack. Haha just kidding, nobody goes to Merrimack.

Boston College

Guinness. It’s good, arrogant, and something that must be dealt with a few times a year.
Comparing it against lesser beers really never works out, but on occasion that shitty
light beer tastes better (hey that’s us!). Always leaves you full after going toe to toe for a few rounds.

I'll take the classy high road and not mention blood stained beer cans on the Green Line here.

University of Maine

Bud Heavy…rugged, in the cup holder of diesel trucks, and a staple of an entire state.
Aside from pro Boston teams and a couple minor league teams in Portland..Maine
hockey is all the rage (the “maine” event, if you will) [I will not. - Max] . There might be better, flashier beers out there, but it’s hard to top Maine hockey.

lol "weiser" like "wiser" only less wise because it's Maine

UMass Eastern Massachusetts State College at Lowell

Colt 45. Poor Lowell, literally. The fat, ugly stepsister of UMass is located in the armpit of Mass. Every season of Cops should have been filmed here, they’d have plenty of material. [Again, I think "High on Crack Street" trumps this. A lot. - Max] Lowell hockey may look promising at times, like that occasion where you’re considering partying in poverty with Colt 45, but just avoid it and you’ll be happy you did.

I would have gone with Poland Spring vodka, personally. Or cocaine. Either is accurate.

Providence College

Odoul’s. Providence doesn’t bring much excitement to the table, just like Odoul’s. From the dry campus to the well patrolled parking lot, making tailgating impossible, PC is PG-
13. Although they’ve climbed out of the Hockey East cellar this year, we may have to
bump them up to Mike’s Hard next year.

reminds me of that first scene in 30 Minutes or Less that's almost kinda funny before Swardson and McBride showed up and ruined the rest of the movie

The University of Massachusetts

[redacted] [Jarod wrote something here comparing our fine university to Busch Light. Surely he was drunk or someone hacked his Twitter or the Patriots were showing him the wrong down on the scoreboard or something. UMass is hereby represented by Snake Juice. High-end, VIP, exclusive. An ounce of this will *lit'rally* kill you. Now shut up, I'm tired and I'm drunk and I need more Snork Juice. Yes, I realize it's not beer SHUT UP THAT'S HOW AWESOME IT IS - Max]

it's about to get ca-razz-ey.

University of New Hampshire

Keystone. Oh New Hampshire..where to begin. The nicknames are endless, the south of the north, Alabama with snow, and so on. If New Hampshire was relocated to the
south, no one would notice. [Hey, I resemble that remark! - Max] UNH has won a total of 0 national titles, despite high expectations most years, shitting the bed year after year. Until they break through, and even after, New Hampshire will always be the trailer trash of Hockey East.

look at that horrible road. fitting.

Northeastern University

Northeastern hockey just screams, “Hey, we’re here to party, but don’t bother taking us seriously.” It doesn’t help having to share the city with two perennial Hockey East frontrunners. Northeastern is the first friend you have that reaches blackout status, he’ll be fun at times and entertaining, but in the end no one really cares because his tolerance sucks and he’ll just end up throwing up in your bathroom.

LOL BETTER STICK TO LITE SO YOU CAN IMPRESS THE LADIES DURING NO-TEE OT!!!!1

University of Vermont

Vermont is..different. They’re not on the way to anything, except skiing and endless
bottles of maple syrup I guess if you’re into that kind of thing. [And Canada! - Max] It’s no mystery that UVM’s campus is filled with hipsters, and what better beer to represent them good ole PBR.

or moonshine, if you're Tim Thomas

So there you have it. Enjoy the great sports weekend at UMass, and as always, drink
up.

- Jarod

Hey y’all, your (ahem, our) UMass minutemen hockey club is less than 2 hours away from the first game of the rest of their lives in Not really close to the cool parts for 20-year-olds, Florida. Tonight, UMass will be taking on James Lizardo’s own Cornell Big Red, by far the best Academic institution ever named after a gum. Cornell is currently ranked #13 in the nation and has a defense that can, and will goddamnit, be referred to as “the balls”. They are letting in less than 2 goals per game and have let in 6 goals in the last 8 games with FIVE shutouts.

Fact is, this could get ugly. UMass has had the tendency of going down early and if this is the case tonight the likelyhood of coming back is slim to none. Hopefully Boyle (I’m just assuming he will be starting) is a bit better at taking shots from academics than he was against Harvard (cue Bob dylan eeeeeeeeeeeeh) and to a lesser extent, Yale. Personally, I am always dubious of the high rankings given to these Ivy schools verses the entirety of Hockey East, but Defense is something that usually transcends hype but when its against teams that may not be as good as advertised, who knows.

UMass is not a favorite in this game by a long shot, and all likelihood is that we will all be chilling in Clarksonville tomorrow but this team has good against bigger name teams and the first game after winter break is usually a wildcard (who knows, maybe all the Ivy kids got fat off the hopes and dreams of the middle class durring the holidays). Plus, while UMass is great at home its entirely posible they are just shit durring away games (Fact: goaltending has been a problem durring such games). While this is in no way home, its not technically an away game. So theres that.

On the actual “game consumption” front, the crack Fight Mass research team is actively looking for a video stream, but in the meantime John and Brock will do just fine.Any updates/links to video will be posted to the twitter account so get on that.

Also, be sure to go to Fear the Triangle’s live chat which starts at 7:30. I think he’ll post a coveritlive link on the site but honestly I have no fucking idea. There is at least a 67% chance I’m kicked out of this thing. Should be a cool night. Geometry jokes all around.

Here’s to the second half of the year not sucking (cut to me chanting “pleases don’t suck at calendar).

-Matt

Hey guys, hey. It’s Matt again live from state employment wishing you a happy Thanksg….wait, whats that you say? Its past Christmas already? Holy christ, I have been bad in updating this blog. Sorry about that guys. We had such good intentions.

But yes, what a season we have endured so far. The highest of highs, the ineptest of ineptitude, golly gee this season has had it all. And, because I’m Matt and I’m the lazy one, we are going straight towards bullet points for this rip-roaring recap.

Massive Highs

• Ah, where to start but beating BC. If there was ever going to be a signature win for this program, that would be it. Up to that point, I had never seen UMass beat BC. Like, ever. I came in to UMass and became a fan of the program during 2009, the Jimmy/Casey year. My first taste of BC/UMass hockey was December of 2009 where BC beat UMass 3-1 at the Bill in a relatively close but sluggish game. I was one of the few fans left in the student section after the 7-1 abortion of a game that was the official beginning of the Cahoon swoon/understanding what it means to be a UMass fun. I was there in the Conte (Cunte, lol) on the glass watching the Minutemen let it go in OT. I was there for both losses in the HE Quarterfinals watching any remaining potential for the Wellman/Marcou era drip away. I )was (not, thankfully) there for a 5-0 thrashing early into last year’s often painful campaign. I was there late February where a UMass team hitting its sweet spot (NOTE: sweet for that team was not losing by 4 and allowing 68 shots on Paul Dainton) lose by 1 two nights in a row of a home-and-home. I watched that same team lose 2 more spirited yet fruitless games against BC in the HE finals where we bid goodbye to the team as they boarded the bus back to Amherst (and inversely found out that Doug Kublin was aware of the Kubby Kounter). Just a few months ago I saw UMass get beaten completely and comprehensively by BC at Conte, where we bore witness to the first Teg-Stand game of the year (Seriously, Teglia was the only reason that game wasn’t 11-2 and it continues to be the reason I prefer Teglia over Boyle, but more on that later). So, to review, thats 11 games, 10 in person, with the exact same outcome: an overwhelming desire to punch somebody in the face. So, going into the game there wasn’t much hope. Hell, I’ll admit I seriously questioned going to the game as I assumed it was a guaranteed loss. A number one team versus a team that got beat by Providence with a goalie that got pulled the night before? Not a great precursor. But this team made it happen, literally every piece of the team came to win and they did it in fairly convincing fashion. It was a highlight in a year that, even by the most liberal predictions, was going to be up and down. The words “holy fucking shit we actually beat BC” were uttered by both friends and strangers as UMass fans went home deliriously happy for the first time in a long time. When I went back to the Boston area for thanksgiving, random members of my girlfriend’s family (who are from Hingham, a BC stronghold if there ever was one) as well as one awesome gas station attendant were talking about UMass beating BC. And then I realized, oh yeah, this is what happens when we win. Its a good feeling.

• Speaking of what happens when we win big, I would like to officially welcome Charley “The Maven from Lock Haven” Molnar to the UMass family.(Some fun facts about Lock Haven University: The Bald Eagles play Field Hockey at a D1 level in the A10 and  their football team holds the longest losing streak in all of NCAA Football with 43 straight losses) You may know Charlie from being the offensive coordinator for the most insufferable college in the world, having the almost comically impossible accomplishment of holding a coaching position at every directional Michigan university and having THE BEST INTRODUCTORY PRESS CONFERENCE IN UMASS HISTORY. Holy shit this guy has balls. Listen, I was the one with a big ole’ man-crush on Mike Leach (most likely for his overwhelming weirdness and FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHT CAMEO) but Molnar is exactly the type of coach UMass needs to build the program: vocal, charismatic and with experience in the midwest. All signs point towards him being able to recruit the rust belt states that require a long suicide inducing drive through Western Pennsylvania to get to and thats whats going to be needed to field a competitive team. Texas and California recruits are not happening in big numbers right now. What the recruiting plan for UMass should be is “live in big University setting with lots of (southwest, Camby aproved) pussy and have your family and friends see you play 4 times and year. Come on fellas, get on the UMass train!” and at least we know Molnar knows how to pitch that.

• While I was on board with Derek in saying Connor Sheary was going to be the best non HoPS player on the team this year, I gotta say, Guzzo is giving him a run for his money and absolutely locked down “bestest surprise breakout gumbo!” player of the year. Guzzo’s passes have been spectacular, his defense gritty and he’s shown a bit of a scoring touch as well. He has the uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time and for a team that has a long illustrious history of having players in the wrong position at all times, its a welcome change. Plus, kids got a perfect sports name. So many U’s. Gotta love yelling GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZEE.

• Chaz. Need I say more? Chaz is the biggest game changer in the DK era and is proof that a point guard is key in the college game. Yes, the team has struggled at times this year, but never have I had the optimism that the team could win on any given night than I do this year. Even with Ricky, the team was consistently below par. But with Chaz I see players that would otherwise be fighting to have the ball passed to the so they can put up a bad shot settle back and trust that the point guard will find them in their spots. Not only that, but Chaz can create his own buckets in traffic with ease. Its great to see this team run after years of it being the obvious thing we never do.This team may not be tops of the A10 but they won’t be at the bottom either and for the first time in the DK era the team is overachieving (albeit from fairly low expectations. Its finally (kinda) fun to watch this team and thats more than enough for me.

Fight Meh:

Hey we have 3 goaltenders that don’t suck. Hell, we have 2 goaltenders that are above average. But golly, I still don’t think we have the shut down goalie that UMass needs to be a top 4 team in Hockey East. Let this run on paragraph be my official entry into the 2011-2012 Goaltending debate. Ok, well lets start with the obvious. Kevin Moore, keep on bloging baby, you are not going to tend net for the Minutemen this year. Stephen Masterlerz of puppets? Yeah, you are not our goalie either. We were assured by the Father of Connor Sheary that Masterlerz is the best of our goalie bunch from seeing him play in prep school, but that supposed superiority has not shown through. In fact, Masterlerz has not proven himself to be an equal of his fellow goalies. So we must say goodbye to Masterlerz in the Fight Mass goaltender search. Now ,judging from the media and fan alike, the consensus UMass goalie of the season/future is Kevin Boyle. However, I would disagree and say, as of right now, Teglia is the better goalie. There is no doubt that Boyle has gotten much better as the season has progressed, but Boyle still gets me nervous as fuck when I watch him play. His positioning is good but hes a bit slow to cover and he’s never seen a shot he didn’t want to turn into a rebound. Don’t get me wrong, I like Boyle and think he’s a viable long term option, however I truly believe that one of the largest attributes of Boyle’s success has been luck. Teglia, on the other hand has suffered from terrible luck this season. He’s been hurt, and when he has been healthy enough to start the team has played like absolute crap in front of him. As previously mentioned, Teglia was the lone shinning star for UMass when they played at BC early in the season, and when playing at BU, Teglia was the reason the game even made it to OT after horrendous play in the 2nd and 3rd. Boyle is a great technical goalie, but Teggs (yeah, we’re switching to that) has that uncanny ability to make the holyfuckingshit save, an attribute I will refer to as standonhisheadability. Lest the term be broken down to its literal meaning, Teggs can stand on his fucking head. Its Daintonian in a way. Teggs suffers from the same “WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THAT PUCK IDIOT” moments as Saint Paul did, but at the same time he makes the same amazing saves that keep you in any game. There was always an unshakeable feeling during the Dainton era that made you feel some glimmer of hope going into any game. “Yeah, we probably won’t win but if Pauly has a good night we have a punchers chance”. Teggs evokes that same feeling in me, and golly, The “Tegg Stand” is too good a term to be wasted. Thats why I think Teglia should be G1 of the Dillon Panth….I mean UMass Minutemen.

Other things that are happening

Well gang, that was a fun little “unreadable block of text-athon”. Lets do some quick thoughts then go the fuck to sleep

• Seriously UMass, where the fuck are my Frozen Fenway jerseys DO NOT FUCK THIS UP UVM HAS ONE AND SO DO I. I swear to god I will make this a reason I’m not giving to UMass when the annual fund calls before I stop and go to the confused freshman “lol no but seriously here’s $100 go away I’m poor”.

• Oleg has become, so predictably, a fan favorite. But the student section doesn’t understand the smashing Oleg produced in the first few games was bad and he’s been  exponentially better lately. “Oleg , smash, ugg why didn’t he hit that guy” “BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A PENALTY YOU STUDENT SECTION IDIOT WHY DO YOU LIKE SEEING OUR PK EDDIE OLCZYK IS NOT THAT FUCKING EXCITING”

• But seriously folks, hats off to the PK and standout Eddie Olczyk. Good job buddy.

• The banner is a 6 at best, but it blows away the UFO Mullins center theme Max made last year that we trashed so thoroughly he made the poorly made Kubby banner which I still hold as my favorite. It was like the potato chip. Badger Max and good things will happen out of pure spite.

• HAHAHAHAHAHA MAX ADDED A SNOW THEME THIS IS THE WORST BLOG EVER I WOULD COMPLAIN BUT I HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING IN MONTHS AND DON’T EVEN COUNT AS A WRITER ANYMORE.

• Also, I tap my proverbial stick to Max who manned the twitter account a few times recently. Every time he has run the twitter account it has been funnier, more insightful and, in general, more better. I would let him have it because of the better quality but fuck that the twitter is mine and you will have to rip it from my cold dead hands before I give up the one thing I do competently.

• Mike Marcou hasn’t been terrible this year, but it still makes me nervous to watch him play. I assume this is what its like for a parent to watch their kid drive. “Him? Driving? The same one that drove the tricycle off the porch and broke his leg?”

• I know the out of touch white folks on UMassHoops disapprove, but I’m kind of obsessed with the Shakespearian nature of the Freddie Riley twitter feed. First, it used to be abovetherim1 or some close variant but now its @youngFLYandAshy which makes me laugh for reasons I’ve yet to understand. But Freddie has the most perfectly absurd twitter ever. He hates UMass some times (don’t we all sometimes), openly has an air of annoyance when he has a bad game or doesn’t play and retweets some of the best tweets ever (example, from yesterday: “the people that be in the video game stores be looking weird as shit”). Not only that, but Freddie himself has some classics. One time he tweeted simply “taking a shit”. But the cool thing about Freddie is that him twitter feed makes him come across as a tortured genius/curmudgeon. He’s oddly political, calling out blacks for buying too many Jordans and pondering to himself whether he should become the voice for black people. He went apeshit on the Steve Jobs love (rightly) calling him an unredeemable capitalist that never gave back. And while other players hide their feelings from the message board trolls Freddie lets it all out. He misses High School, is confused what he will do after UMass, and seems generally uncomfortable with his status as a Basketball player within the UMass culture. In other words, he’s a fucking human. Yes, me and Freddie got into some twitter beef last year where he called me out for being over critical in my tweets during a game and I called him out for being an offensive liability. However the thing that I have come to appreciate is that his response to the blog is such a uniquely Freddie Riley thing to do. He wears his heart out on his sleeve and doesn’t think twice about telling a blog to fuck off after it comes and makes 10 Big Shitty jokes in 2 hours. Freddie doesn’t write for you, Freddie writes for himself and if you want to come along for the ride so be it. My obsession with the Freddie Riley twitter has made me appreciate Freddie as a person. Yeah, he’s a frustrating player to watch, but the talent is there and watching such an emotionally complex human struggle through life is an amazing character study. I root for Freddie, and I can honestly say, beyond the obvious choice of Chaz, Freddie is my favorite player. I root for him so fucking hard. I really want to see him succeed, After 2+ years of watching him bear his soul online, good and bad, I see him as the scrappy underdog. This run on paragraph is entitled: How I learned to stop worrying and Love the Freddie Riley.

• I’m in love with the Fight Mass spam queue. The spammers are getting fucking crafty. Example 1, on a random contributors corner post: “And to think I was going to talk to someone in person about this”. Other one’s are equally vague and out of place but intentionally misspelled. On the same post: “I’m impressed! You’ve managed the almost ipmsosible” and, my personal favorite, on a random Max essay: “If infomration were soccer, this would be a gooooooooal!”. Haha, I love you spam queue.

• Fuck you autoplay on UMassathletics.com. That shit is annoying.

• Charley Molnar has 8 kids. That guy either loves to fuck or hates birth control. Don’t let him near Matt Hill.

• Oh cool, we got the local kid to come to UMass. As a QB. When he was being scouted as an LB. By other shitty teams. Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Kellen Pagel era continues!

• Less than 2 weeks to Frozen Fenway. Fuck Yes. More posts when that happens (hopefully).

Feel free to complain about how terrible this post is,

-Matt

So, game is in 90 minutes, lets make this quick

• Sorry for the lack of posts this week. I was lazy, Max is moving in to a new place and Walsh writes a preview and postgame analysis and how dare you expect more
• Teglia please. If I walk in to Conte and see anyone but Tegs I’m going to immediately walk out and demand a refund.
• This BC team is good, but why am I more optimistic tonight than I have for any other game I’ve seen vs BC? UMass should lose tonight, and probably will, but I absolutely think this team could shock BC, something I didn’t think last year /cut to UMass losing 23-1
• Kind of a sleepy week for UMass. All eyes on football (for good reason, tomorrow will be fun) and with Hockey playing a team that is clearly better, everyone has eyes on next week against BU. Hopefully BC will be overlooking us as well.
• RIP Eddie Olczyk =(
• Olczyk isn’t a valid words with friends word. Make note.
• Here’s to Oleg making him way into the crowd

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand welcome back Minutefans. We are around 3 hours from puck drop of the first home game of the 2011-2012 UMass hockey season and god damn it feels good. If you haven’t already, Walsh’s game preview is a must read for specifics on this matchup, and while you are devouring good information you might as well read Triangle’s pregame as well.

This is a big weekend for UMass. Last weekend showed up that this team does have the talent to take games, but clearly there is going to be a struggle closing them out all year. The next two days will be important in setting the tone for the rest of the year. Northeastern was both a surprise and a disappointment, but winning out both games this weekend, vehemently winnable games might I add, will let our beloved minutemen head out to a string of tough games with some degree of confidence, hopefully enough to perhaps steal a game or two.

Boyle is getting the start, as far as I know. “O’BOYLE RULES!” seems to be the frontrunner of things yelled after big saves, but lets see where this goes.

It all starts tonight. Bentley is a cupcake. They will fight but if this team plays their game a win should be a gimme. But if watching this team for a few years has taught is anything, gimmes are the hardest games. We can’t see a repeat of the early home game against Army, where a young Minuteman team was absolutely manhandled in a way i neither want to ask nor tell about. Tonight is where a matured team needs to set the tone. Lets hope our outlook on the season isn’t radically changed by tomorrow

To all the Mullins Virgins out there, Scoops Bitter’s into to UMass fandom is a must read so you don’t look like an ignorant drunk asshole, instead of the preferred drunk asshole.

Also, we have just received word that Matty G will be saying de nada after the 1 minute thank you tonight, per my suggestion. It is imperative  that you and your friends yell “Gracias” instead of Thank you. I am of the opinion that this is awesome, but even if you think it sucks do it anyways so I can be happy, okay?

See you all at the Bill, lets rally around the flag kids

-Matt

Hey guys, hey. I hate to over-post but I feel as though this merits its own post. Per Matty V at the Gazette, UMass basketball super freshman and potential DK saver Jordan Laguerre is done for this year because of academics. Frankly, folks, this may be the final omen of the crumbling Kellog era. Already hampered with losses and a continually underperforming team, I could see DK gone by the end of this year.

We, as a blog (ok, the 2/3rds of us who give a shit on this blog) has high optimistic expectations for this team, especially given their A10 preseason ranking of 12. (!!!!!) Yes, in a conference in the number “ten” in its title, we were slotted to be 12th. Golly gee we didn’t see that coming 2 years ago. Laguerre was supposed to come in and provide a spark that this team has lacked for a while now. A pure scorer with surprisingly good passing skills and an all-around game, Laguerre was the supposed savior of this sinking ship but with him now done-zo for the year, it will be hard to replace the scoring left my Big City Anthony Gurley.

All is not bleak however. While I certainly don’t see this team shocking the conference, I could see them contending for home court in the A10 playoffs. Raphiael “Big D(ara)” Putney is going to be one of the best players in the conference someday (and that someday might be later this year for all we know, but mark my words he is the truth). I still have glimmers of hope that Sampson Carter will fulfill him promise along with TV, who could absolutely get over his Sophomore slump  and be a dominant player. Maybe the inclusion of a real point guard will be a much bigger deal than originally thought. Maybe Jesse Morgan will be only the good parts of Freddie “Freddie’s mannequin” Riley and only good things will come from their collective Twitter accounts.

Or maybe not. And it would be year 4 of the ‘hair gel and nice suit by no wins’ era. Either way, thank god we have hockey.

-Matt

Not to get political, but there seems to be alot of protesting going on lately. And while this protesting did lead to the glorious rise of the term “brotestor”, the chief complaint from confused white people everything has been “what do these kooky kids want? what are their demands, besides more weed waka waka”. Well, in a preemptive move, Fight Mass would like to make a list of demands that should be accommodated if you ever want to…..something? Nevertheless, here is a sample ransom form that should be used if we decide to occupy the bill (aka passing out drunk after forgetting to eat all day before a pregame something that has obviously never happened right guys?)

______________________________________

Fight Mass has come into possession of the super duper secret notebook of Don “Toot” Cahoon, and if you ever want to see it again, the following demands must be met. Though we are willing to negotiate, because we really don’t know what to do with a notebook full of sonnets about Mark Dennehy and the phrase “All work and no (power)play makes Toot a dull boy” written over and over.

Fight Mass demands the following

Where is my pixies durring games huh? I mean, there is a song about UMass for fuck’s sake! You are just going to ignore the biggest cultural contribution UMass has made in the last 30 years because it isn’t a pop song? Oh, its becasue there is a dirty word in there? Well so does half of the rap you play, you just don’t play the part with the cursing and YOU CAN DO THAT FOR THIS SONG TOO YOU IDIOTS! And while we’re on the subject, why no dinosaur jr? I want “Almost ready” played before the puck drop. I want Freak Scene played in any context always ever. The late 80′s early 90′s Amherst music scene is legendary and to never play these artists is a slap in the fact too Happy Valley culture! FIX IT NERDS!

We want a hockey band. As a certain geometry blog pointed out far more eloquently, the hockey team needs a band. The women’s basketball team has a band for fuck sake, and all we get as hockey fans is a top 40 station over the speakers, with a notoriously out-of-tune recording of Fight Mass? Nah son, its time to join the rest of hockey east and get a band. Merrimack has a band, and they are barely a school. FIX IT.

I want a dunkins at the Mullins center. And booze, but I would rather have the dunks first ($3 coffee > $8 bud light). Although we would take Dunkins as an advertiser at the Bill as a start. Did you know that UMass is the only school in HE not sponsored by dunkins? how dare they. FIX IT

Enough with the noise meeter. It sucks. If you are going to have a noise meeter, at least have a legitimate noise meeter, like the one the Bruins have. The noise meeter at the Mullins center is a video of a noise meeter that has ABSOLUTELY NO CORELATION TO WHAT TYPE OF NOISE IS EMANATING FROM THE CROWD! Thats almost like having a recording of a fight song at a sporting event. Oh wait…..F-F-F-F-F-FFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIX IT!!!!!1

We demand 3 more years of eligibility for Doug Kublin. Although it will be hard to lure him back after he has had german girls. Amherst pucksluts, stup ya game up.

If we are killed durring this hostage crisis, we demand that Chip Ainsworth and Scoops Marurek write our truth fearing obituary.

Please leave more demands in the comment section, as I’m sure I missed many injustices.

This post was much funnier in my head,

-Matt

As you may have realized by now, Fight Mass is not a breaking news organization. Nor, it seems, are we very interested in writing outside of hockey season. However, in the interest of providing you, our reader(s(?)) with the hot-sports-takes you demand, we humbly present to you Broken News, a summary of things that happened, at some point, somewhere in the UMass universe. 

So, I’m not sure if you realized it or not, but UMass sports is back. With last Thursday’s “Wait, this is all we are doing against a school with no athletic scholarships?” narrow defeat of The College of the Pretty Rad Cross, it was the same old story for Minutemen football: Bend but do not break defense, solid running, and Mark from Fear the Triangle straining his neck shaking his head at the Kevin Morris era. I’ll keep it short because, frankly, it was a snoozer of a game (outside of the fried Oreos Holy Cross served). But, as constituted, this team can barely compete in the FCS, let alone move up. Maybe it’s first game jitters, and it very well could be the “playing down to your competition” syndrome that plagues this team, but it will be interesting to see how this team looks against the URI Fighting Andy Greshes (who I thought lost their FB team but apparently not). Hopefully one of the QBs can take the reigns in the next two weeks. I liked Kellen Pagel a bit more on Thursday, but I found out his sister goes to Ohio State so now I don’t even know what to think. [Editor's note: Uhh, this happened, lol articles written over an extended period of time. I'll reflect on it later. -MB]

UMASS IS PLAYING HOCKEY AT MOTHER FUCKING FENWAY, This has been rumored for a while, but it feels really good to have it official instead of worrying about Hockey East pulling the plug and saying “lol no jk” and getting BU or BC to play again. No doubt we will be there in full force. Tickets go on sale soon kids, so get ready but do if after us because we need better seats. [Editors note: LOLOLOLOL WHY DID I THINK IT WAS OK TO NOT REREAD THE FIRST PART OF THIS STORY -MC]

Mr Paul Dainton is officially signed with the Falcons for this coming year. He played well during the tryout contract at the end of last season, as evidenced by the first ever Paul Dainton hat trick (an assist, a penalty, and 30+ saves).  UPDATE SINCE THIS HAS BEEN IN THE DRAFTS BIN FOR A FEW WEEKS!: Mr. Dainton suited up for the first 2 Blue Jackets (thats the NHL team in Columbus for you not in the know/not paying attention to expansion team/ignoring the existence of the state of Ohio) games, seeing 2 periods of ice time in the first game, stopping 17 of 18 shots and getting the win. Yes, its a preseason game. But hey, its an NHL preseason game and he obviously showed something because he hasn’t been sent home yet. Am I the only one who thinks this should be a bigger deal? When I floated the hypothetical question of which Minuteman from last year’s team had the best chance of seeing time on an NHL club, the answer was Pereira and a dark horse for Teglia. Nobody said Dainton, and if they did they would have been mocked openly for their truth-fearing ways. Then Paul got a 10 day contract with the Falcons down in Springfield and we were happy. Hell, if he played well maybe he could see time as a journeyman AHL backup….if he was lucky. Now? It wouldn’t shock me to see Paul earning a roster spot on a NHL team as a backup. Maybe not this year, but eventually. Nobody thought Dainton was a superstar, and he isn’t. However, there is a definite value in having somebody who is consistently above average and will keep your team in games. When you’re a backup in the NHL, you will be starting a few games in addition to being inserted into games to stop the bleeding caused by an inconsistent starting goalie. Who better than Paul? Obviously we will all be watching and rooting to Paul to make it in the competitive world of profesional hockey.

When Toot said he was going to run the program like Navy Seals he apparently wasn’t kidding. The team doing some team building exercises preparing for this year

Frozen Fenway tickets are on sale. We have an entire row. Deal with it.

There will be no official exhibition game. Which is really sad. Seeing a game at the practice rink, presumably sober, with the actual die hard fans of the program was one of the highlights of last year. This will also make October 7th against Northeastern a hell of a lot more nerve-racking.

However, if you really want to know about the freshmen, look no further than this Fear The Triangle article on our incoming class.

More (legitimate) articles as the season approaches, including an updated version of the “How the Rest of Hockey East really feels” section (with a more angry title) as well as the long awaited return of our bastion of hockey knowledge, Mr Derek Walsh. [Editor's note: Not to mention the other mysterious surprises I keep hinting at. -MB]

Enjoy the weekend…and fuck BC.

-Matt